back in the day, as a newbie yogi, i thought my yoga teachers had it all together. they seemed so serene and peaceful.

but as a yoga teacher myself, that has not been my experience. sure, i have periods that are easy, but in equal measure i’m at war inside. i wonder who knows that, sees through my eyes down to experience? i’m guessing few, if any. i can’t escape myself. none of us can.

it’s funny who we are and how others see us … my friends often comment on my peaceful nature. really? i think.

my tendencies rule me often. i’m betting they rule you too. are there things you do and think why am i doing that? i need to stop. i have several items in life that make me pause, but i’m recognizing that i’m not supposed to escape myself.

you’ve heard the saying, ‘the only way out is through,’ right? being perfect, or putting on the facade of perfect doesn’t help. leaning into life, being honest (with self and others), learning and adjusting helps us grow.

the truth is, i keep it together pretty well. as a teacher, its my job. i’m not perfect nor do i pretend to be, but people come to yoga for an experience … of health, healing, wellness … and it’s my job to give them that. it’s only possible if i take care of myself.

since starting advanced embodiyoga teacher training in january i’ve become acutely aware of how much of a hurry i am in with everything i do. working from home, you’d think life would have a leisurely pace, but it’s quite the opposite. i wake at dawn every day and the first hour is intentionally the slowest. i take time for tea, meditation, gentle yoga and morning pages, but after that it’s lost to the frantic pace of the day. my mind is in overdrive and every task takes too long. i recognize it, so at least there’s that. but how to stop?

i hate the glorification of busy. we all have the same 24 hours in a day. lately, though, i’ve been frustrated with how my to-do list and the number of hours match up. i broke down and cried several times this weekend. it all came to a head.

part of the “problem” is that my weeks are so varied. my paid work consists of teaching yoga and writing. it’s hard to constantly switch between those tasks as they require very different skills. but i also have unpaid work that has to be completed as we are developing our family farm to include a market with eventual wellness offerings. the business model of yoga, nutrition, essential oils and holistic health fits together nicely, but the prep is time-consuming.

so what’s a person who preaches wellness to do? i’m teaching myself to slow down. these are the tools i’m using:

  • embodiYoga practices throughout the day
    • because i’m in my head so much, taking breaks to embody feels like it’s helpful to my sanity
    • use a list of practices that take between 5 and 15 minutes to complete
    • remember that every moment IS enough
  • keeping a bullet journal (bujo)
    • literally scheduling the day into hour-long chunks with my #bujo
    • setting a timer for each hour so i’m aware of the time it takes to do each thing
    • keeping an ongoing to-do list that gets scheduled into specific days, migrated forward on days they don’t get accomplished
    • using hOMe office between 8a – 5p and only working when in office
  • pranayama breaks
    • going outside every two hours to breathe and be in nature

i’m hoping it works. i’ll report back here sometime next week. now, if you’ll excuse me it’s time to inhabit my body in a few yoga poses on the deck.

namaste, heather